Something Quite the Opposite

Don’t look back on happiness, or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated out of it. 
-Henry Ward Beecher-

Day 2 of being on my own. I don’t “enjoy” it as much now as I did six weeks ago. There is this grey cloud hanging over me and I’m not sure what to do about it. My radiological mania, where there were no boundaries and nothing was impossible, has turned into something quite the opposite. I can’t put my finger on it but knowing me, it is the worry of what to come – a CT scan in September.

My husband and I spent the weekend in Oslo, visiting my brother and his girlfriend, which was a welcome change of scenery. I feel like a sparrow with clipped wings today. Tomorrow will never come and now is just now- Maria sitting in front of the computer, trying to make sense of it all. The only word that comes to my mind is “blessed”, for when it all comes around, that is what I am.

Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.
-D. Elton Trueblood-


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