Why?

Why do I have to keep reading the damn statistics? I work with the stuff and know that you need to base it on hundreds, even thousands of patients

Why I bother with all of this is because I don’t have a thousand brain tumours, just one. Just one Maria tumour. Statistics isn’t as much ‘fun’ any more. Risk-benefit analysis  isn’t fun anymore, for now I’m not just a patient number, but an actual patient. Ironically, my new found experiences may have provided me with a competitive edge in the field of clinical research.

Life Inspiring Ideas

Statistically, my chances are relatively dire in the long run. But I’m not a patient number in a clinical trial. I’m just me, “Mia”, who wants to drive her 20 month-old son to Fredagstomten in her very own “Crimson Millway” SWEDISH V40. I’m actually one of those women who wants to grow OLD with her husband! I don’t give a care in the world for cosmetic surgery. All my husband and I have done is sign a contract to THIS SONG! How could we have been so wrong? Will our 10 am appointment tomorrow with an ‘impartial psychologist’ help us gain perspective?

See, it’s not about writing a letter to my husband and son. The question that is circulating in my head is how many letters? 10, 20, 30 or 100??? I’ve learned to set high goals at work, during my so called MITP (no clue what it actually stands for) so that I may get my bonus. My goal is to live to 11-JUL-2078. I don’t care about my bonus! I just wanted a meaningful job. Thank you for  hiring me as a consultant ie. giving me a chance to work for the best pharmaceutical company in the world with the slogan “Life Inspiring Ideas”… I’m sorry I couldn’t turn up at the office that Wednesday morning, the last day of January. I so much wanted the CONOB cases to go through, to make Spotfire and Business Objects work, to see a bridge evolve between hands on and IT solutions. Perhaps the latter is wishful thinking, who knows…

The brilliant Oscar Wilde (1854 – 1900) supposedly said in An Ideal husband, 1893:

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers”.

I don’t know how my husband and/or my work has anything to do with it, but I prayed to God to make me feel more human. And he did.

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6 Comments»

  livetsegentligheter wrote @

Maria ..jag är så tacksam att jag fick träffa dig och börja lära känna dig och förhoppningsvis att det blir en fortsättning! BLir både glad och ledsen när jag läser din blogg två ytterligheter som är lika starka att känna!Du vet var jag finns-alltid!!!DAg som natt!

VAd snygg din man är!!!

  Emma wrote @

VIlket starkt bildspel! Jag blir rörd. Kram!

  Gunilla F wrote @

Hej Maria

Det känns som de där CONOB-fallen inte är speciellt viktiga längre….

  Katarina A-H wrote @

Hej Söta Maria,
Yes, this is the question we all around you (closer or more peripheral) pose ourselves and each other so often; Why? Why??!!
I am afraid we might never get an answer but..
In all our different ways we pray and hope that this Maria tumour will dissappear now and forever!
Tänker så mycket på Dig (!) och ser vilken livsinsikt och livserfarenhet en sån här upplevelse och resa är – fr a för Dig förstås och de allra närmast dig och i förlängningen för alla oss som tycker om dig och bryr oss om dig !
I mina tankar och böner/meditationer kan jag fråga Why? men framförallt rikta Kraft på att du kommer väl ur detta – Du fantastiska Maria!
Många Kramar /Kat.

  KG wrote @

Hi Maria,
It’s time for bed in fact but I’m also a night owl (as I know you are too, although you usually are not…). Just recently I arrived home after being out with some friends for dinner in Linnestaden. The four of us spent the first weekend in February this year in Vadstena where we stayed in a monastery on a so called ‘retriet weekend’. During the stay we did not talk at all and there was just silence and time for reflection. I really needed that as I am (as you know) also living with my sorrow although is has passed some time since we lost our little daughter. Maria, reading you rows and watching all the beautiful photos makes me feel so touched. You share a lot of your life and privacy with so many others. I admire you for your strength and fortitude (this word I had to look up in Word Finder). Now I will swith to my native language…Maria, jag tänker så mycket på Dig och Din familj. Att sätta sig in i en annan människas liv kan man aldrig men ibland får man stanna upp litet grand och reflektera över livet. Jag gör det ibland men kanske inte så ofta som man borde. Sist vi sågs fick jag följa med Dig till sjukhuset och jag är så tacksam att du ‘bjöd in mig’ litet i det liv som Du just nu går igenom. Kära Maria, hör bara av dig så snart Du bara vill – ska vi ta våran lunch som vi planerade?
Kram fr KG

[…] always thought the two of you look like King Abdullah II and Queen Rania of Jordan. Look at our wedding pictures, which is part of a slide show I made a while back and compare. I’m not far off the mark, I […]


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