The Breath of Amor

My so called lonely day was filled with so much excitement that I should probably think about hitting the sack. My Neurologist prescribed me stronger sleeping pills yesterday as I have about one good night a week. What kind of drug is this tumour? How can I be so high on life? I used to be “life-hungry” before, but what I am currently going through is insane. Am I scared of dying and hence have to experience as much as possible every day? Furthermore, when I lie down my head hurts behind my right eye-globe. I believe people suffering from migraine have some clue of what I am on about.

I let a good friend of the family drive me to JK for radiation this morning. He looked pretty inspired as the nurses were more than willing to give him a tour of the facility and attempt to explain all flat-screen computer jargon. I listened half-hearted but learned a few more impressive details. I was more interested in finding out what music was waiting for me today as I hadn’t brought my own. I was strapped down, which I can’t say that I look forward to. However, during the actual ray-gun attack I am left all alone and it is soothing. When I was dismissed from hospital I had to go from being a patient and go back to the role as wife, mother, daughter, sister etc. I wouldn’t want it any other way, but during those few precious moments I can just be myself.

I have been quite keen on the personnel playing LOUD music so that I don’t have to hear the buzzing noise from the machine. However, today and for the first time I was not too bothered. I didn’t use my usual sign-language learned at Flying Diver’s PADI dive school – up, down, OK. The music was on and it was beautiful, but I could barely make it out and I had to really concentrate to listen. I recognised the tune but wouldn’t be able to tell you which, for memory is currently short. Once you could “click here” to get an idea of what I was feeling during those precious minutes of peace and solitude. However, now you may watch it instead.

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1 Comment»

  skablifrisk wrote @

I have taken most of my music down from the site as it was in reality stealing. As I’ve moved into the field of visual arts, I hope YouTube among other can make this blond stay legal. /Maria


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