Does honey and warm milk really work? Am I sipping this brew because I really think it is going to make me sleep? Either way, it tastes good. Besides, I need some therapy and so, here I sit sipping brew.

I was told that I am “whiny” today. See, I don’t really care if “someone” calls me whiny; but when that person is someone who you have let into your life behind the fence, it hurts. YOU try having a brain tumour, the flu and your period all in one week!

You have all heard the tearful song “Love hurts“, right? When I listen to music, I often have trouble making out the lyrics (to my husband’s great distress when I sing to the car radio). Until only a couple of years ago, I was absolutely certain Nazareth was singing “Lovebirds”. It didn’t strike me that this beautiful love song about two birds was actually about something else. When I came to the realisation, I felt stupid (who wouldn’t?) but also a bit sad. I still think it is a good song, though. Beautiful and painful all at once.

I am currently reading a book, lent to me just the other day, with the inspiring title JAG KAN BARA LEVA (directly translated, “I Can Only Live”). It’s a biography written by a 23 year-old Swedish girl, Katarina Fahlström, and her life experiences battling leukaemia in 1997. I’ve come to page 87 and seriously considering handing the book back. My 1997 represented freedom after graduating from International Baccalaureate (IB), which is a story itself. While one girl was fighting a losing battle, my life took a turn for the better. In a small way I am celebrating my very own ten year anniversary of “living life to the fullest”; ten years of loving myself, which in turn has helped me love others.

I am inclined to hold on to the book a while longer, for never have I read anything that hits so close to home. It could be me up until page 87. For some odd reason I thought I was alone in what has been happening. I thought I was alone with all my thoughts, feelings and ideas about the world around me, what is happening to me, where I am going and where this will end. I’m not alone and hardly unique. Someone has travelled this path ahead of me and that feeling is quite soothing. Loneliness is a hard feeling to have to live with. I have so many people around me who genuinely care; I am blessed beyone belief. So why do I feel as if I am back in the operating theatre surrounded by green-robed people? At the moment it feels as if it’s just God and me and one long roller-coaster. Many of you seem daring and willing to jump on board, some of you are probably already seated. Either way, this roller-coaster is going to live.


1 Comment»

  Werner Wildfang wrote @

Your story about “Lovebirds” brings to mind an experience 30 years ago when I started studying English at university. – Having said that, I am sure this post is full of mistakes, but alas, doesn’t really matter and I do not practice my English as often as I did. Anyway: as a fresher I found myself sitting in the language lab, doing pronunciation exercises. Right at the front of that language lab the professor kept an eye on all students – above all his “ear”. Because we had to pronounce tricky words in English, and of course this exercise started with “th”. At that time I felt pretty confident: I had spent months in England and my vocabulary was good. As I was ploughing through an endless list of tricky words with voiced and voiceless “th”, I got stuck with one word which I simply did not understand. I had no idea how that was spelt and what it meant. This exercise worked completely without a script, so we just had to repeat what was on the tape. As I said, one word evaded me completley. Finally the professor broke in. He had listened to my desperate attempts and was laughing his head off. He pronounced the word once or twice more very slowly and clearly, but I did not manage to repeat it. No idea what it was. Eventually the professor asked me if I knew Shakespeare’s Othello – of course I did, but I had not understood that word just by listening to it. I felt as if I should disappear through the classroom floor, just vanish. I felt utterly ashamed, and 50 other students had a great time seeing one fresher getting so utterly lost. I was ready to quit my studies and go over to Chinese – as long as I would not have more “ths” to pronounce. Well, I did not quit – and 2 years later I started teaching that very course myself – and graduated on pronunciation studies. When I was in charge of that course I instructed the audio technician to delete the word “Othello” from that exercise – and got my revenge. Does that story tell you/us anything? I hope it does: even when things look pretty bad at first, they can turn out fine in the end. Talking about a roller-coaster ride – yes, life can be exactly that. But if you are daring enough, willing enough and with God’s help, we can stay on top of that roller-coaster! I am sure you will!

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