I am
a confusion of cultures.
Uniquely me.
I think this is good
because I can
understand
the traveller, sojourner, foreigner,
the homesickness
that comes.
I think this is also bad
because I cannot
be understood
by the person who has sown and grown in one place.
They know not
the real meaning of homesickness
that hits me
now and then.
Sometimes I despair of
understanding them.
I am
an island
and
a United Nations.
Who can recognise either in me
but God?

-”Uniquely Me” by Alex G James

I started reading from the book Third Culture Kids that was given to me by Martin’s family during a visit here in Sweden. I almost started crying when I read some entries from within. I’m onto chapter 3 when I landed on the poem “Uniquely Me” and felt compelled to write.

Who are “Third Culture Kids”?

“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture.  The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.”

Here is also a good article to explain what many of us TCK’s are feeling. My husband and I have been back in Sweden since 2002 and we’re rooted. Yet I still have this haunting feeling at times. Having changed my medication AGAIN (third time now) where vertigo and depression are among possible adverse events, I’m not sure what is Maria and what is just down to neurological chemical glitches. I chose to marry a non-TCK for I’ve always known where home is and that is where I want to go. I have my parents to thank for that; that my brother and I are not islands, but United Nations.

If you haven’t heard, Harry Potter’s coming out of the closet again at midnight on Friday. With all the “heavy” books going on (and me complaining that I’m not reading as much), perhaps I should make my way down to the bookstore and get a copy.

My husband just finished reading one of them this weekend – the Order of the Phoenix. Now we can go and see the movie. I have so far found the movies boring, though.

Why do I like Harry Potter? Perhaps for the same reason that I like Robbie Williams. NOSTALGIA: sitting on the Tube going back and forward between East Finchley and South Kensington every day for twelve months. If it wasn’t The Economist, it was Harry Potter. It was Maria and the pin-striped suits sitting side-by-side reading about riding broomsticks.

So, what’s the deal? Dreaming about achieving the impossible or just passing time?

My thoughts have these past six months turned more and more towards religion. Either I have been away from work for too long or I am allowing myself to plunge into what will eventually save me in the end. For those were my last thoughts on the operating table: I have reconciled with (forgiven) Jesus and that I have no regrets. All the people I was looking forward to reuniting with were also going through my mind. Even people who I’d never even met. Oh, and my dog, Moa.

A friend of mine, Karin, gave me books for my birthday. I started to read one of these up at the summer house and it caught me. The book’s originally in Swedish and called Vad hände på vägen till Damaskus?: på spaning efter den verklige Jesus från Nasaret (The Jesus Mystery) by Lena Einhorn.

“The Jesus Mystery” explores what may have happened if Jesus did not die on the cross. Noting discrepancies between the historical record and traditional New Testament chronologies, it reinterprets early Christian history giving to show that Jesus may have had a radically different – and direct – role in the spread of Christianity throughout the world. Reading “The Jesus Mystery” as the author builds the evidence is as thrilling as reading a mystery. The author’s theory is entirely supportable through scriptural reading and historical references; it’s also profoundly credible psychologically¨.

Basically, that means Paul and Jesus would be the same person. I’m only into the second chapter and hence brushing up on my background knowledge. I’m not sure yet how pertinent it is that the author is Jewish.

I have been focusing on understanding Islam and Christianity as of late that it is time to let some Judaism in here. It would only be fair. I also like the fact that Lena Einhorn is a medical doctor within the fields of tumour biology and virology. Not only is that close to home, but I like the fact that I’m reading a book by a Jewish doctor telling me her version of Jesus. Oh, and that she is brave and willing to conquer various fields around her, other than medicine.