Maria: You know what? I’m back! I’ve organised a canoing weekend. It will just be my husband, son and myself. Probably because I was a little late with sending out the information. That’s OK, though.
Maria: My point was not to get everyone in the water. I believe it was more to prove to myself that I can still “do” these sort of things despite everything that has happened. Whilst we’re on the subject, Zaman loves the following “Buddweiser” expression as well as MJ (the Beer Hunter and THRILLER l’eau de vie-man). I’m using my husband’s example, Budweiser, to illustrate, but feel free to stick Foster, or Pripps, or Stella, or any other pale lager/SINGLE Malt Whisk(e)y in there, heck why not even try Guinness, and you’ll get the point,
Zaman (by whom?): Drinking Budweiser is like making love in a canoe; it’s fucking close to water.
Brian: Please, please, please listen! I’ve got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you’ve got it all wrong! You don’t NEED to follow ME, You don’t NEED to follow ANYBODY! You’ve got to think for your selves! You’re ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We’re all individuals!
Brian: You’re all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I’m not…
The Crowd: Sch!
Maria: I like Guinness, I like Life of Brian, I like making love (never tried it in a canoe), so that must be my reason for organising the trip. Interesting. How many of you here have experienced Theory of Knowledge (TOK) class’? International Baccalaureate (IB) students can put your hands down (quickly now for you don’t want anyone to think that you’re stupid) for this question was just a bit too easy for you. Don’t start getting ideas that there are any easy questions in the next month or two coming your way. Actually, think TOK and you’ll impress the examiners to WANT to give you sevens and A’s.
Matthias: Look, I don’t think it should be a sin, just for saying “Jehovah”.
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You’re only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I’m warning you! If you say “Jehovah” one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right…
Stoner: Well you did say “Jehovah. ”
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even… and I want to make this absolutely clear… even if they do say, “Jehovah. ”
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
Maria:Me? I had completely forgot about my TOK classes, but had Ulf talked about the above and not mentioned Cogito, ergo sum or Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum, which (the latter is Latin for “I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am”), I would probably have payed more attention. If you really want to dig into this, you can supposedly read Principles of Philosophy, Part 1, article 7: “Ac proinde hæc cognitio, ego cogito, ergo sum, est omnium prima & certissima, quæ cuilibet ordine philosophanti occurrat” and/or, like me, click here.
Reg: [arriving at Brian’s crucifixion] Hello, Sibling Brian.
Brian: Thank God you’ve come, Reg.
Reg: Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, we are not, in fact, the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepare statement on behalf of the movement. “We the People’s Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. ”
Brian: What?
Reg: “Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. J. , etc. ” And I’d just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration, for what you’re doing for us, Brian, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time.
Maria: I doubted, so now you understand WHY I chose to pick up my Latin during Biomedical Sciences classes in Manchester and/or London. I’m confused, are you confused? What am I? I doubt, I try to think albeit its difficult for my memory is ridiculously short. That makes me… A duck or a WITCH?! Either way, BURN HER! Burn her!
Matthias: Look, I don’t think it should be a sin, just for saying “Jehovah”.
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You’re only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I’m warning you! If you say “Jehovah” one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right…
Stoner: Well you did say “Jehovah. ”
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even… and I want to make this absolutely clear… even if they do say, “Jehovah. ”
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death] Tip: Log onto World of Warcraft and look up Zaman who can explain most of my ramblings. And if you’re interested in bewitchment, keep playing, but don’t get burnt.
Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I’m not!
Maria: Ulf also managed to get me to pick up a few facts and figures about five world religions in less than five hours, so he was (is still, I’m sure) a pretty cool guy. Funny I’ve hardly allowed myself (had time is a better phrase) to think about all of this in ten years. Now that it’s my ten year anniversary of something I hated, I’m willing to be nice about it. I’ve even conversed with Ela’s father on Karl Gustavsgatan 28 and booked tables at Krakow for 19 hundred hours on 16-Jun-2007. I hope more people turn up then than for my canoing trip. I will leave it to my psychotherapist to analyse that.
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People’s Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
[they all stab themselves]
Suicide Squad Leader: That showed ’em, huh?
Brian?s mother: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!
Brian: I’m not a roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!
Brian: I’m not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
Maria:I admit, having a shrink who asks all the right questions isn’t too bad. Not willing to write any more about that, I’ll instead conclude with the following:
Maria: Speaking of shrinks, Plato (427 BC – 347 BC) said something very cool in The Republic (which Maria has no clue about but willing to pick up after this) and would probably amuse himself with above quote(s),
Plato: Mankind censure injustice fearing that they may be the victims of it, and not because they shrink from committing it.
The journey of one girl, one brain tumo(u)r and perhaps a bit more 
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